Before Re-Recruiting Those Who Left

by Rev. Mark Tidsworth, Founder and Team Leader

It’s hard to tell at this point…

It’s hard to tell who is with us as church and who is not. Those who are participating in their church miss those not returning. They find themselves wondering if those missing in action are simply pandemic-cautious or are now Dones, done with church.

At the same time, we miss them so… and we want to do something to reconnect with them. Some churches are so concerned they become desperate, begging their pastors and staff to constantly reach out to those no longer participating. In some churches, the concern has become anxiety, driving fear-based behavior.

Love + Grief + Anxiety

In the body of Christ, we grow to love one another, forming strong bonds. Also, we care about the well being of other disciples with whom we are church, wanting good for them, including wanting them to be in a church where they can experience Christian community. This is great motivation for reaching out.

Grief too is driving our need to reach out. Grief is the normal human response to loss… and losing people who are part of our churches is a real loss (added to all those other pandemic losses).

Anxiety about institutional strength motivates us too, if we are honest. We miss those who are gone, but we miss their contribution to our collective strength as an organization.

So, how does understanding what drives our engagement with those who have left help us? First, it’s always appropriate and fitting to reach out when love is our motivation. People pick up on that, appreciating our genuine interest. Second, when our sadness generated by grief is driving we might not want to reach out to those who have left. Sadness can come across as pressure, contributing to guilty feelings in those who have left. Guilting people into church participation rarely turns out well. Third, please don’t contact those who have left when anxiety is the driver. That will only suggest we are contacting them for what they can do for us, not what God can do for them.

When people leave our churches it’s often painful. On the one hand they have voted with their feet, informing us they don’t want to be part of this church. On the other hand, we miss them so.

Before reaching out, perhaps we should make sure we are respectful of their journeys while motivated by love over grief or anxiety.