Boundaries and Fences

by Beth Yarborough

In our Coaching Module 2 class last week, we discussed healthy boundaries related to our coaching clients. Later in the day, Andrea Dellinger Jones posted a reflection about her time growing up on a farm and the fences that supposedly kept the animals and humans separated at a safe distance. Andrea said her dad reminded her that even with the fence in place, it was not enough of a boundary to keep a 1500 lb bull corralled if he decided to break through. She made the observation that a lot of time on the farm is spent working on fences followed by the question, “How could these truths about fences inform our coaching boundaries?”

That’s a great question to remind us that boundaries need to be flexible. We work within certain boundaries according to the particular need. Some situations require strict boundaries, some require less strict boundaries. It is up to each one of us to size up the situation and set the boundaries as appropriate.

Andrea’s story prompted my thinking about my own experience of growing up on a farm. We, too, had fences that kept the cows, goats, pigs, horses, and donkeys separated from us and from each other. The animals’ diets consisted of hay, pasture grass, etc., and the most delectable of all, table scraps. After each meal Mother collected food scraps and one of us four children was tasked with tossing the scraps over the fence for the animals. Eventually, as my parents aged, the animals were sold off and the worn out fences were taken down. But for years afterward, Mother continued to collect scraps to “toss over the fence.” It was fun and laughable at the time but given Andrea’s prompt, I’m wondering how these truths about fences inform coaching AND consulting?

Human beings are creatures of habit by nature. Some habits are productive, others are non-productive. We like to do things the same way they’ve always been done for many reasons including tradition, sentimentality, and because it’s easier. (Awhile back, Rebecca Woods recommended Atomic Habits by James Clear which is on my book pile.) But we all know the kiss of death in a congregation is, “We’ve always done it this way.” So in our consideration of fences as boundaries, how do we encourage and facilitate change when the fences no longer exist but continue to be boundaries to growth, expansion, and revitalization?

Thank you Andrea, for beginning the conversation.