Should I Stay or Should I Go?

by Bill Ireland

The song, “Should I Stay, or Should I Go?”, was released by the punk band, The Clash, way back in 1981 and was re-released in 1991. That song sums up the dilemma many ministers are facing these days. Several reports of late indicate that the number of ministers who are thinking seriously about walking away from ministry is increasing, a situation no doubt amplified by the pandemic and the increasing polarization within our society.

Should I stay or should I go? That’s a wrenching decision, one made even more painful by a strong and deep-seated sense of vocational call. The idea of leaving makes us feel as though we’re betraying something deeply rooted in the soul. Adding to the internal turmoil is that leaving somehow means we failed. We didn’t do enough of this or that or should have done this or that. It’s easy to personalize those assessments: I wasn’t good enough, or I couldn’t get it going. Deciding to walk away is one of those things that make for a lot of sleepless nights.

I understand the turmoil such a decision entails because I had to make the decision myself several years ago. My hope is the following questions will help you know what time it is in your ministry.

Where are you spending your time and energy?

I like to think of pastors as being among the last “general practitioners,” in our society. We not only have theological training, but along the way we also learn a lot about buildings, finances, personnel management, and conflict resolution. The work demands we do a lot of different things, and no two days are ever the same. We run the risk of burning out, not by doing too much, but by working apart from our best gifts for too long. If, for example, pastoral care is at the heart of your calling, then having to give sustained attention to facilities or finances will likely leave you drained and frustrated. The point is we’re at our best when we can use our best gifts much of the time. Leaving may be a wise choice if our best gifts and the demands of our place of service don’t mesh.

What excites you? What gets your attention? What fires your imagination?

Obviously, there are aspects of ministry that get our juices flowing, things that provide tremendous satisfaction. Nevertheless, we may find ourselves increasingly excited about possibilities that exist in other arenas of service. As an example, we may be drawn to the work and mission of a non-profit agency and look forward to our participation in support. Perhaps someone’s work makes us think, “Hey! I could do that!” We can see ourselves fulfilling that role. I cannot emphasize how important it is to pay attention to the things that excite and energize us. That may indeed be God’s way of speaking to us and refining or redirecting our sense of call.

What’s really going on?

Here’s a proverbial truth: “Nothing is so hard to figure out as what we’re in the middle of!” We can get so tied up in all the stuff that’s swirling around us that we lose perspective. We’re too invested, and our field of vision narrows. Circumstances of that nature make it imperative to find someone who has enough distance to be able to see what’s really going on, someone whose powers of observation are not compromised by emotion. We need someone who can help us see if things are better or worse than we imagine. Here the services of a good coach or consultant may prove invaluable. Having a different set of eyes on things can prevent us from overreacting.

What is God saying to me?

Often the first casualty of whatever makes us think of leaving is our prayer life. Too much is going on, and we can’t focus. The emotions are too deep for words. The intensity of the moment turns us toward action rather than contemplation. Our circumstances speak more loudly than God. Here’s where a spiritual director can be of great assistance. Through attentive listening and thoughtful questions, a spiritual director can sharpen our senses so we can hear God in the midst of the clutter. What is God saying to me? What is God after here? Regular conversations with a spiritual director can support our efforts to tend to our own souls. They can empower us to remain attentive to God and to live our faith while we ponder what’s next.

If you leave, what’s next?

Daydreaming about leaving has its appeal but acting on it requires planning. Hopefully, if things are not well in your current place of service, you can buy some time to have something to go to instead of walking into an uncertain and insecure future. As much as circumstances permit, one’s plan for what is next should be as concrete as possible.

Should you stay or should you go? Tough call! Whatever you decide, my deepest hope is that you will find God waiting on the other side of whatever door you choose.