Repurposed Regrets
by Ronald “Dee” Vaughan
A year into retirement from full-time pastoral ministry, I’m still working through the truckload of books, files, pictures, and memorabilia I collected in forty-one years. I’m also processing my thoughts, feelings, reflections, and conclusions about my pastoral ministry career. My pastoral pilgrimage left me with many reasons to give thanks and a few nagging regrets. Through this article, I want to deal with those regrets the way I managed my books and files—I want to repurpose them to give them a new life. I want my few regrets to become gifts to others in ministry, some friendly advice about how to make the journey of the ministry life in the best way possible. So, let me repurpose my regrets by making them gifts that will hopefully be helpful to you.
Pursue the best and highest preparation possible for your ministry.
I earned a Master of Divinity degree with Biblical languages, including a residency in Clinical Pastoral Education before I began my pastoral work. The time and effort were well spent. A few years later, I wanted to pursue a doctorate and looked into my options. My decision boiled down to enrolling in a very affordable Doctor of Ministry program or a very expensive Ph.D. program. Having just started a family and serving a small congregation that could offer only meager compensation, I was afraid of the financial commitment required to earn a Ph.D. and chose the D.Min. program. I grew a great deal through that experience, but later realized that the choice I made closed the door to some avenues of ministry I deeply enjoy. I was enlisted to teach pastoral care courses in a new graduate school program at a Baptist university. I taught two different courses over a period of several years. But, as the school enlarged its faculty, I learned that I would not be able to continue teaching in that program because I had not earned a Ph.D. I love the classroom and wish I could have continued investing in the lives of students. I regret not going for the degree that would offer me the widest range of ministry opportunities.
Not every pastor needs a Ph.D., to be sure. Still, the educational choices you make will open some doors of opportunity and close others. Play the long game when planning your education. Prepare yourself for all the ways you believe you would like to contribute to God’s kingdom in the course of your career.
Take your time off.
I sat in my doctor’s office, seeking help for the physical and emotional exhaustion I was suffering. In the course of our conversation, she asked, “How much vacation time does the church give you each year?” I told her that the church offered me five weeks of paid vacation each year. Then came the follow-up question, “How much of that vacation time have you taken in the past year?” I confessed that I couldn’t remember taking more than three weeks of vacation in any year, leaving at least two weeks of rest and re-creation unused. My doctor nodded her head, as though to say, “I think we’ve found part of your problem.” She gave me the assignment of bringing her plans for how I would use all of my vacation time in the coming year. That may have been the best prescription she ever wrote for me.
Ministry is stressful. Our bodies and minds can manage stress if we take breaks from our stress-inducing circumstances. Uninterrupted stress will destroy your health. People don’t admire you for not taking your time off. In fact, they may come to take your needs for granted if they see you taking them for granted. Let the field lie fallow once in a while. Take your time off. Declare some seasons of sabbath. Come up for air. Taking your time off is one of the disciplines you need to practice seriously to meet the serious demands of ministry.
Build a strong circle of personal and professional support, especially in times of denominational uncertainty.
Like many denominational families, my Baptist tribe endured years of division and controversy. An “us vs. them” mentality hung over every denominational meeting like a blinding fog. My regret from those years is that I responded to the pain of the controversy by withdrawing into isolation. I stopped attending any denominational meetings and focused my energies on the life of the church I served. In an effort to stop the pain, I also stopped an important source of support. Ministers need each other. We need healthy honest ministry friends with whom we can share the joys and struggles of church life and offer wisdom to each other. So, if you denomination is slogging through some painful times, don’t let the pain of those times cut you off from a network of personal and professional support. In tough times, we need each other more than ever. Pinnacle Coaching Groups are one way of finding and keeping a strong network of support.
Respect your limitations.
The greatest injury I suffered to my physical and emotional health during my four decades of pastoral ministry was, sadly, self-inflicted. I lost sight of my limitations. For me, the load that broke the camel’s back was the combination of serving as lead pastor of a large and complicated congregation in transition, teaching as an adjunct professor, and writing study material for a denominational publishing house. This workload, added to the demands of raising three children and caring for a parent in declining health, tripped a breaker in my brain that sent me into a season of deep depression. Looking back on that time, I drove many miles with the “check engine” light shining brightly on the dashboard of my life. I wish I had given my limitations more respect.
What I’ve learned and would pass on to other ministers is that to give an honest “yes” to any endeavor, you must also give a clear “no” to many others. Saying “yes” too often actually means you aren’t saying “yes” to anything in a sustainable way. Ministry offers countless opportunities to invest yourself in good things. You and I must learn to look at most of them and say, in the words of one of my Pinnacle colleagues, “That’s a good thing, but it’s not my good thing.” Read your dashboard lights regularly to avoid ending up broken down on the side of the road.
I hope these regrets of mine become gifts of guidance to you as you press on in the life of ministry.
Ronald D. Vaughan
April 1, 2025