"We Have to Attract Young Families"

by Peggy Haymes, Pinnacle Associate

“We want a pastor who will attract young families.”

Makes sense, right? The older folks who have served the church for decades are not going to be around in a few decades (or less.) If we don't get younger folks in, it’s going to be up to the last person left to turn out the lights.

We have to have more young families.

It’s an entirely understandable focus. But it’s also flawed.

Belief: Young families will be our future.

Reality: They may not be here in the future.

Before I arrived at the church where I served as associate, they’d made a commitment to grow the number of young adults in the congregation. Through lots of hard work on the part of everyone (not just the staff), they did exactly that. And, as often happens, many of the couples began having children or adopting children until my position as Associate Minister included an ever expanding children’s ministry.

One day we were talking in staff meeting about the amazing leadership foundation we were building, that a couple of decades down the road we were going to have such a strong group of middle aged leaders. The reality is that a couple of decades down the road, few of those families remained connected to the church. Some of the attrition was due to the not unfamiliar challenges of conflict and change. Just as much of it, however, was due to families moving out of town.

Young families are mobile. Companies move their employees to other cities. People change jobs. Families decide they want to raise their children somewhere else. Attracting young families does not automatically mean they will be there to minister to you in your old age.

Belief: We need young families to take the work off our shoulders.

Reality: Young families are already stretched thin.

If you're looking to young families to make the Nominating Committee’s job easier, you’re in for some disappointment. Families with children and teenagers are busy and often too busy. In fact, I heard from more than one parent that they felt a little guilty for enjoying the pandemic shutdown because it allowed their family to slow down and enjoy time together.

There was a time when almost all of the kids’ activities revolved around the church, which made it easier to enlist parents as volunteers. Kids have a much wider range of possibilities now, from sports that run year round and often involve travel to theater to musical ensembles to clubs and classes that nurture their interests. Most parents I know are not suffering from an overabundance of time on their hands. Also, attracting (and keeping) young families means needing more people to teach Sunday School, assist with children's activities and serve as youth sponsors. Are you ready?

Belief: Young families are the most important demographic for the church to focus on.

Reality: The contributions of God’s people are not determined by demographics.

When we focus primarily on young families, we miss seeing so many other possibilities. For example, singles (whose numbers are increasing) often have a deep need for community and will invest themselves in a church that offers it to them.

In the church where I’m a member now, we have a number of new retirees joining us. Either they’ve moved to the area to be close to their kids (and grand kids) or they have chosen our city as a good place to retire. Sometimes the ministry and mission of our church is a part of that deliberation.

Do you know what new retirees often have? Time. Also, as Boomers retire, they are seeing retirement not as an end to work but as a doorway to work that is meaningful for them. Our retirees are a vital part of much of our church’s ministry, enjoying the chance to give back in ways they could not do in their working lives.

Most importantly, all of these beliefs are built on the wrong foundation. The message to pastor search committees and to pastors is: We need young families. The calling of the church is, however, how can we reach out to the needs of the community around us? Where is God calling us?

Are you in an area that’s growing with young adults? Then consider what they need, not what they can give you. Parents need places of support and community, people who will understand the madness of the 25,000 daily questions of a toddler. Children and teenagers need adults in their lives who are not their parents. Young adults need places to ask questions of their faith and what that faith says to the world in which they live. Important, authentic, and successful ministry to young adults may include people who will never walk inside your church building.

People of all ages need a community in which they can grieve, whether it’s grieving the loss of a partner of fifty years or grieving the loss of a dream. More people than you realize need a place where they can make and build friendships. People of all ages need a place that challenges them to a higher purpose than just getting through another day and offers them a way to make a difference. People who live in declining cities and towns need a community where they can sort through the changes and grieve what has passed. Churches in transient communities can honor their ministry of being present for a part of people’’s lives.

Congregations are scared, and understandably so. A landscape that has been changing for years was blown wide open with Covid, and our foundation no longer seems so firm.

While fear may be a great motivator, it’s a lousy decision maker. Our faith offers the assurance that God is continuing to work. Our call to faithfulness is to discern how God’s call is taking place in our congregation and in our community.

At Pinnacle, we have a variety of resources for helping churches in that process. Contact us to talk about how we might help.