Letting Go of the 20%
by Rhonda Blevins
In conversations with other pastors over the past few months, most of us widely anticipate that 20% or more of people who attended our churches pre-pandemic are never coming back. That’s a hard reality to swallow just in theoretical terms. It becomes even more difficult when we begin discovering the names of those we have lost not due to death but decision. It may be months before we are able to fully count the “fallout” from the pandemic in terms of those who have left the church. For some pastors, the count has begun.
If we think about church life as a merry-go-round, in the center of the merry-go-round we can find the solid 20% that does 80% of the work. These folks are the hub. Most of these people are not falling off the merry-go-round (thanks be to God!). Of the remaining 80% on the merry-go-round, some were just barely hanging on before the pandemic. The shutdown and quarantine saw these folks slipping off the merry-go-round for good. This is the 20% that will likely never come back to church in any meaningful way. Who are they? Who are the ones we have lost to church-life forever? Here are five groups of people who may never make their way back to church:
The already disgruntled. The chronic complainers were given much fodder to fuel the fires of irritation over the past year, from COVID measures taken to church leaders’ responses to racial and political tension. If they were already disgruntled before the pandemic, they are even more so now. They’re not coming back to church.
The frail elderly. The weak and frail have had another year to grow weaker and frailer. And now they’ve been conditioned to be terrified of large group gatherings and other social settings. This group is the least likely to have engaged in the herculean efforts of church leaders to take church online through Zoom or YouTube or Facebook. They’ve largely been unchurched for over a year now. They’re not coming back to church.
The church shopper. Chronic church hoppers and shoppers, those who continually seek a better or different church experience, have undoubtedly found a church that responded to the pandemic more in line with their personal preference. Your church didn’t reopen “soon enough”? There was a church that reopened sooner. Your church is “too serious” about masking? There is a church that is far more relaxed about masking. Church shoppers have explored their options over this past year. They’re not coming back to church.
The rabbit holer. If there are people in your church who spent their quarantine falling deeper and deeper into social media rabbit holes and conspiracy theories, it’s doubtful that a return to church life will satisfy their newfound passion/obsession. Their worldview has grown bleak. They have found themselves in an alternate reality, and their relationships at church (the real kind) are far too mundane for rabbit holers who know the real “truth.” They’re not coming back to church.
The convenience seeker. Most churches will not stop live-streaming their worship services, and many parishioners enjoy the convenience of “watching church” from the comfort of their living rooms. Why get up, get dressed, face traffic, expend the energy to “go to” church when church comes to you? While this adaptive change that churches have made presents the possibility of expanding a congregation beyond a local geography, it likely means that some in the local geography choose to worship from home. They’re not coming back to church.
There are others who will not be returning to church because of moving to another town or caretaking for a family member or dealing with a faith crisis. Maybe addiction issues or mental illness have become more acute during the pandemic and coming to church is “too much right now.” The reasons people might stay away are too numerous to name.
Most pastors know the sting of losing church members, whether through death or decision. Letting people go, however, is just as much a part of the pastoral calling as welcoming people. The following prayer, sometimes called the “prayer of lovingkindness,” may assist the pastor or church leader in (perhaps quietly) blessing those who choose to leave the church:
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you live at ease.
And may you know the love of God all the days of your life.
Amen.