How Does a Minister Grieve?

by Peggy Haymes, Pinnacle Associate

He was a professor and mentor who became a dear friend of many years, and I was touched when asked to speak at his memorial service. Through the years I’ve found that when faced with speaking at an emotionally difficult service, it helps to go through my remarks again and again until I can say them with heart but also some level of composure. This time it took me a dozen times. I needed no notes by the time I got to the service, but avoided ugly crying in the pulpit.

Generally a good thing.

I had an advantage, however, that many of you don't have. Because I don't serve in a congregation or as a chaplain at a facility, it would be a year before I had the task of speaking at another funeral. For you, it may only be a day or two.

Where do you go to grieve? How do you grieve? What do you do when the church member you're asked to bury has become someone upon whom you’ve depended, someone whom you deeply love? How do you grieve when deaths and funerals are regular parts of the routine in your aging congregation? How do you grieve when loss hits a congregation like a punch in the gut, and everyone is devastated, including you? 

That’s a question we’re asking around Pinnacle these days. Part of our work in supporting your ministry is supporting you in the grief that comes part and parcel in your ministry. To that end, we have a favor to ask you and a gift to share with you.

We want to listen to your experience and hear more about what you need. To that end, we’re asking you to complete a short, anonymous survey about your experience. Feel free to share the link with colleagues.

You can find it here: https://s.surveyplanet.com/srgymtnm

Your answers will help us as we develop resources for you. They may also be a part of a future book on clergy grief.

Through Pinnacle Academy, we have a resource available to you right now, a guided imagery designed to help you let go of some of the accumulated grief. (Guided imagery is a well researched tool that uses the power of our imagination to support physical and emotional healing.)

You can find it at https://ClergyGriefResources.com.

Jesus wept by the tomb of his friend. Sometimes, so do we.