Loss Under the Radar
by Peggy Haymes, Associate
Some losses in a congregation are easy to recognize; for example, death and divorce.
There are a host of other losses that fly under the radar for various reasons. Sometimes it’s because people are embarrassed to acknowledge their deep grief over “such a silly loss.”
People who lose pets sometimes experience this. They’re told to get over it. “It was just a dog,” or “it was just a cat.” When I shared with my doctor that I wasn’t surprised I got sick immediately after the death of my first and greatly beloved dog, his response was, “We tell ourselves we shouldn’t be upset, but sometimes we can’t help it.”
Well, no.
I knew it was going to be a huge grief. I was grateful for a faith community in which I could name that grief and be supported in it.
Sometimes the loss isn’t for what they had and lost, but what they never had a chance to have. Couples who struggle with fertility face this kind of loss. People who have the doors shut on their dreams, whether it was the dream of a relationship or of a career or owning a home of their own also experience loss.
Sometimes the loss is for what they should have had but never got. In over two decades of working with adult survivors of child abuse, I’ve witnessed their deep grief for the safe childhood they should have had but didn’t.
When pastors name and normalize such grief, it goes a long way in helping people accept it as a real grief, one that they don’t need to be ashamed for feeling.
On Thursday, May 30 we’re having a webinar on ways to support the work of grief in your congregation, as well as how to deal with your own grief. Sign up and join us.