Pastor Separation Syndrome

by Mark Tidsworth, Team Leader

No, I’m not describing when pastors leave a church, dissolving the pastoral relationship. Instead, Pastor Separation Syndrome is rising right there in the thick of church life. As our team gathered for our weekly meeting we focused on how to help pastors and churches thrive in our current context. Immediately the conversation moved to the pastoral distress we are hearing in coaching and consulting settings. None of us are hearing this distress from people in congregations, though they may also be experiencing it. Instead, every one of us reported hearing a strong chorus of concern rising from interaction with pastors that we jokingly labeled Pastoral Separation Syndrome; PSS for short.

To be diagnosed with Pastoral Separation Syndrome, one must experience 5 of the following 8 symptoms every day for a three week period:

  • A sense of alienation from one’s congregation due to social distancing requirements

  • Persistent and intrusive fears about losing relational connections in place before forced separation (Coronavirus)

  • Low energy and mood due to infrequent interaction with disciples in one’s congregation

  • Increased recognition of the significance of hallway, parking lot, and pre/post-meeting conversations

  • A sense of uselessness as people from your congregation are hospitalized without opportunity to minister to them

  • Lowered creativity since the synergy boost of in-person interaction is weaker

  • Suspecting the role of the pastor in people’s lives is diminishing, accompanied by fear that the pastor-people relationship will never return to pre-COVID levels

  • Intrusive thoughts suggesting you are the only pastor experiencing PSS

Symptoms are unique to pastors and church staff, though people in congregations may experience a sense of distance, loss, and longing when encountering challenging circumstances, recognizing the loss of pastoral presence in their lives.

As we compared notes in our team meeting, we recognized that PSS is rampant, spreading like a virus through the population with whom we serve each day. Since the next step after symptom description and diagnostic criteria identification is intervention and treatment, that’s where our conversation moved. What can be done to address these symptoms, moving pastors out of PSS? Since this is so new, we don’t have the authoritative answers, yet we did identify very helpful next steps for those suffering PSS symptoms.

  • Acceptance – Recognizing and accepting this is one of the losses during a pandemic, freeing oneself from excessive and unrealistic pressure to control what’s uncontrollable

  • Releasing previous expectations – Laying aside expectations that one will function in the pastoral role like we did pre-COVID

  • Grieving the losses – Turning to Psalms of Lament along with OT prophets like Jeremiah, giving self permission to grieve the loss during this forced separation time

  • Recognizing the temporary nature of this pandemic – Affirming that this too shall pass

  • Blessing your freedom to reimagine the pastor role – After clearing the outdated expectations and processing the emotions, then moving into the cleared open space

  • Identifying the numerous and creative ways people in many fields are finding to connect and interact, learning from others

  • Letting spiritual imaginations run wild, recording even the craziest ideas of how to connect with our people

  • Choosing from the idea list, conferring with colleagues and coaches, and doing one of these activities each day, recognizing pastoral relationship can go forward, taking shape in so many unexpected and life-giving ways

So, with careful diagnosis, followed by effective intervention and treatment, the good news is that pastors don’t have to suffer indefinitely with Pastoral Separation Syndrome. Symptom relief and a strong recovery is the prognosis when we connect with colleagues, coaches, and most especially God’s Holy Spirit.

Remember too, that God’s people have always used the connection and communication approaches available to them during their sojourn on this earth. The Church and its pastoral leaders has passed through many reshaping experiences and it shall move through this one as well. Pastoral ministry has survived 2000+ years. I doubt this current volatile life disruption event will have the power to do what all the previous volatile experiences could not. Pastor and people; they go on. Thanks be to God.

Mark TidsworthPastor Separation Syndrome, PSS, Helping Pastors Thrive