Honeymoons and Holidays

Patrick Vaughn, Pinnacle Affiliate

Gwyneth Paltrow broke hearts around the world earlier this year when she revealed that she had married her boyfriend, Brad Falchuk. Their wedding took place in September, and they celebrated their honeymoon in the Maldives during the Christmas holidays.

Her description of their honeymoon, however, garnered more attention than their nuptials. The couple invited their respective children to join them. They invited their close friends, and they even invited Paltrow’s former husband, Chris Martin.

Do what?

She termed it a “modern honeymoon.”

Well, maybe.

Surprisingly, Paltrow’s and Falchuk’s honeymoon was anything but modern. Today, we assume that honeymoons are intended as an opportunity for a newly conjoined couple to pull away from the world, to take a break from their weeks of anxious preparation, and to enjoy time together. Alone. By themselves. In private.

This approach to honeymoons, however, is remarkably recent. It only emerged in the mid to late 19th century. Previously, these “bridal tours” provided an occasion for the young couple to visit family and friends, to introduce spouses, and to cultivate and strengthen relationships. Even after the focus of the honeymoon shifted to a romantic getaway, the couple still were often accompanied by relatives and friends.

Why? Because they recognized that relationships beyond family are important.

Even as weddings and honeymoons became more and more privatized, a similar dynamic impacted the celebration of Christmas. It narrowed its focus more and more on the nuclear family.

This marked a stark change. Until the mid-nineteenth century, Christmas was primarily spent with neighbors and friends. The idea of the family gathering for the holiday would have been viewed as odd or strange. Mummers dressed in costumes, for example, roamed from house to house. Alcohol and food were offered and shared. It was a very public affair, and it stands in contrast to our contemporary understanding of Christmas as a “family holiday.”

I am not sure I would have wanted to invite friends and family to go with us on our honeymoon, but something about Paltrow’s rather old fashioned approach does resonate with me. It points to a need or hunger that I have encountered in church after church.

Many people today from all walks off life are searching for ways to develop, nurture, and strengthen relationships with others, with neighbors, with old friends, with new friends. I sense an ache for companionship that cannot be filled by echo chambers and social media.

With the hollow privatization of our sacred moments and seasons, churches today have a powerful witness and an enduring gift to offer the world: authentic community.

As you prepare for the holidays, then, I invite you to consider with me these questions: How are you seeking to develop community and communities within your congregation? How might you challenge the prevailing tendency to view Christmas as a family affair? In what ways can you reclaim our tradition of joyful interdependence?

Please share your thoughts and reflections with me by writing to patrickvaughn01@comcast.net.

Happy Thanksgiving!